Full Body Condom

The Full Body Condom is a body shaped and sized variation on the standard condom barrier device. Created by Lumpco and Poope Xevious, the full body condom offers a much larger array of protection than the typical design. The condom is made of a latex and steel compound, with traces of dark energy injected into small atom-sized crevices meshed into the condom. The condom has no openings whatsoever, and is designed to be entered through Quantum Tunneling. The full body condom is a barrier to much more than pregnancy and STIs/STDs, including the complete obstruction of light, energy, and matter. The full body condom would be considered a black hole, however, nothing can exist within it, and, in contrast with black holes, it does not attract light, instead obstructing it. An estimated 2,000 people have lost their lives to the full body condom. Only 100 of these people perished within the condom, the other 1,900 died of natural causes, spending their entire lives attempting successful quantum tunnels, and failing. A report from Alternate Universe Capitalist China suggests that 95% of these people were Mega-conservative Christians, attempting to practice proper abstinence. In one article, Microwave Bishop Lumpco was quoted "It's truly sad, many people today focus so much on safe sex, they aren't focusing on safe safety measures. I believe the deaths of those using the full body condom act as a deadly reminder of always knowing the correct methods for using and applying protection. Praise the Poope."

The full body condom can be purchased on auctioning sites for upwards of thousands of dollars, due to heavy production costs. however, many criminal markets on the Deep Web sell large quantities of the product for much cheaper. Lumpco and the Poope have been accused multiple times of supplying these markets for criminal benefits, but have denied all charges. The Poope, upon interview, claimed that "[I] run a religion of peace, and no sin. these accusations are nothing more than rowdy heretics, trying to overthrow our peaceful ways with much sin. It is wrong, both for those holding us in bad name, and those who run these illegal operations, and I am doing all in my power to end this sinful injustice." Lumpco was also interviewed, and drew controversy when it was found that, in the show of origin, Chinese Capitalist News Now, Lumpco could be seen hastily deleting the TOR Browser from his computer during the interview. When questioned, Lumpco claimed it was "mere editing," and a "sneaky joke by CCNN, of which I for one, respect." CCNN was contacted to disclose on the matter, though their responses were, as usual for the CCNN, in too much of a broken English dialect to be understood, resulting in the general acceptance of Lumpco's statement.